Total Drama In Wonderland
by TDITyler102
Summary: A crossover fic where Courtney goes to Wonderland after following a white rabbit that resembles another competitor down a rabbit hole. In the latest chapter, Courtney plays croquet with the Queen of Hearts. Rated T.
1. Chapter 1: White Rabbits

**Disclaimer** – I don't own Total Drama or Alice in Wonderland in any way. If I did, then that would be AWESOME but I don't so nyah.

**Authors Note **– Three projects at once? Boy, this'll be good. Main priority? TDI is still most important to me, but this is such a small story, it should be done in no time!

**Chapter 1** – Buck Teeth or Teeth Missing?

It was high time for her to go. Courtney had been sitting at the edge of the Killer Bass' cabin for ten minutes now. Being in a new place full of people who don't know her must be so overwhelming.

She looked upon the grass for a moment. School life was so different than this. Everyone disagreed with her, and she couldn't come up with the courage to interact with them. The only thing she could talk about was the competition, which she was very nervous about.

Suddenly, she noticed quick white feet scampering around on the grass. She looked up, and saw Cody, who seemed to have grown white fur and ears. Kind of like a rabbit.

"Hello?" Courtney asked him.

"Oh goodness! Oh my!" Cody exclaimed. "The Duchess! The Queen! Oh my ears and paws! Oh, how late!"

Cody scampered off behind the cabins, earning the interest of Courtney. She followed him to a huge hole in the ground.

"Oh my little, white tail! I'm sure to have my head removed must hurry!"

"_I'm late! I'm late!_

_I'm getting in a terrible state, I'll have to hurry!_

_What am I to do, I'm going out of my mind!_

_I'm late!"_

He jumped into the large hole, which Courtney thought was a burrow.

"Cody? A rabbit? What has this contest done to me?" Courtney asked herself out loud.

She kneeled down towards the hole, before the ground started to move. In moments, she was falling down the hole, head first!

She fell and fell for quite a while, shrieking all the way. On the way down, Courtney saw many pictures and bookshelves around her. Thinking they may belong to the rabbit, she decided not to mess with them.

She hit the ground with a large thud. She stood up, dazed and speechless, as she looked at her surroundings.

A long hallway stretched in front of a small room. The walls were solid marble, not anything she expected for a rabbit's home. There was a glass table beside her, holding a key that must belong to one of the seven doors of the same room.

"Oh my cute little nose! Oh my head! I shall miss you, pal." Cody worriedly said as he ran off.

"Wait!" Courtney called. "Rabbit, could you tell me how to get out of here?"

Cody hopped from side to side, wondering if he should save his head, or hers."

"Okay, okay! We need to make it to the King and Queen's royal croquet party! If we don't then- wait, now we're both late! Must hurry!"

He ran as fast as his paws could carry him, never looking back.

"How can I get to there?" Courtney shouted, but Cody was long gone.

"Now how can I get out of here?"

She noticed a large bottle of water that had the words "Drink Me!" on it. If it was just water, she'd be okay, but what if it wasn't?

"Curious." Courtney said, opening up the bottle. She drank a bit of the water before she noticed what was happening.

She had shrank down to micro-size. Mouth-opened, Courtney tried her best to look for a logical explanation.

"How did that water shrink me?" she asked, but decided to now try the doors.

She had tried all the doors and was now searching the last. To her surprise, she found her self looking at the most beautiful garden she ever saw.

"Wow!" was all she could say as she tried to fit the key into the lock. But, before she could manage, she heard a swaying sound behind her.

The bottle of water was falling of the edge of the glass table. She wished it would stay, but no.

The bottle crashed onto the floor, drowning the whole room in water. She swam to the surface, and whished she never had entered this wonderland at all.

Shorty, I know, but this is not a long story, so I want to spread it out between chapters. Who do you think the Duchess, Queen and King will be? Leave your answers in reviews!

**Next Up**: The Mouse's Tail, er, Tale.


	2. Chapter 2: Caucus Races

**Disclaimer** – I don't own Total Drama or Alice in Wonderland in any way. If I did, then that would be AWESOME but I don't so nyah.

**Authors Note** – I am going to try to update this story every day, TDI maybe once a week. This chapter is my favourite part of the original book and the movies, the Caucus Race!

**Chapter 2** – Weird Races With Strange Winnings

Courtney was panicking as she was swept away by the rapids. She saw several other creatures have fallen into the lake, and was worrying if, because of her misdoing, they would all drown.

Suddenly, she noticed a figure upon the horizon. A large mouse with red hair was happily swimming along, completely ignoring everyone.

"Mouse!" she shouted "O mouse! Can you hear me?"

The mouse looked over to her, stopping her fun. When she swam closer, she made out that the mouse was Izzy.

"Could you please help me?" Courtney asked. "It's like it's been raining cats and dogs!"

Izzy gasped. "How dare you mention those foul creatures to me!" she shouted, and swam away.

"Wait!" Courtney pleaded. "I won't mention them ever again!"

Izzy stopped for a minute, and, to Courtney's surprise, smiled warmly at her.

"Let's swim to shore and I'll tell you my history!"

And thus, the two swam to shore. Also accompanying them was a Lory, Dodo, Duck and Eaglet, that strangely resembled other contestants.

All the animals simply shook of the water, while Courtney thought that was very unjust to do so.

"I'd rather not do that," Courtney said, as Izzy smiled at her.

"Don't worry, dear," she said. "I'll have you dry in no time!"

She cleared her throat, and began. "It was a calm evening in 1942! I strolled down the walkway, feeling peaceful, when suddenly; a large cat stepped in front of me!"

The Eaglet, Gwen, began to yawn.

"I'll proceed! Now, the cat had a devilish grin on its face, and challenged me to a game of poker! Winner got to eat the other. I am a wiz at poker, so naturally I won."

"Is he going to on and on like this forever?" Courtney asked the Dodo, Sierra.

"Oh, just wait until it gets good." She said. "When it ends."

"Now, I continued my stroll, until a dog pounced near me. He challenged me to a contest of literature! I recited the elegant poetry of my youth."

"Huh?" The Lory, Lindsay, asked. "What do all those fancy words mean?"

The Duck, Trent, sighed. "She means she said a poem."

"'_You are old, Father William', the young man said,_

'_And your hair has become very white,_

_And yet you incessantly stand on your head._

_Do you think at your age it is right?'_

'_In my youth,' Father William replied to his son,_

'_I feared it might injure the brain._

_But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,_

_Why, I do it again and again.'"_

"Naturally, I won, and ate the cat and dog for tea!" she turned to Courtney. "Are you dry now, my dear?"

"No." she responded. "I'm as wet as ever."

"Hmm. In that case, why don't we try a Caucus Race?" Trent suggested.

"What's a Caucus Race?" she asked.

"Why the best way to explain it is to do it!"

They all formed a circle around her. Izzy held up a large watch and shouted "GO!"

"_In the Caucus Race, you choose a starting place!_

_You can then begin and end exactly where you like!_

_In the Caucus Race, you run at your own pace!_

_You'll be guaranteed to win a prize!_

At that moment, all of them began to run this way and that, in different directions, startling Courtney.

"What are we supposed to do?" she asked.

"Finish the race!" Gwen replied.

After a while, all of them had run. They were extremely tired, but none of them were as worn out as the rabbit, now running close by them.

"_I'm late! I'm late!_

_My watch is ticking loud, I must be going!_

_What am I to do, I'm going out of my mind!_

_I'm late!"_

"Well, who has won the race?" Courtney asked.

"All has won and all must have prizes!" Sierra told the group.

"Who is to give out the prizes?" she asked.

"Why, you of course!" The animals now crowded round Courtney, begging for prizes.

"I don't have much, but I guess it's something." She reached into her pocket and found little toffees, and gave them out to her friends.

They all gladly enjoyed them, and walked off. Courtney waved goodbye to them, as Cody came by her again.

"_I'm late! I'm late!_

_If the Duchess has a moment to wait, she'll have my head off!_

_What am I to do, I'm going out of my mind!_

_I'm late!"_

"Oh, Mary-Ann. Do bring me my gloves and fan, would you?" Courtney nodded confused, as Cody ran off once more.

"Oh, how late! Must hurry!"

"He thinks I'm his housemaid." She said to herself. Looking down, she saw Cody had dropped a key to his house.

She strolled out the room, with a curious look as she looked down upon the key.

**Next Up**: I'm Late For a Very Important Date!


	3. Chapter 3: I'm Late!

**Disclaimer** – I don't own Total Drama or Alice in Wonderland in any way. If I did, then that would be AWESOME but I don't so nyah.

**Authors Note** – *One week ago*

I'll try to update this story every day…

*Present*

Wow, I suck. Sorry 'bout that, I've recently bought Minecraft and have been spending 99.9% of my time on that. Procrastination, eh? What are you gonna do?

**Chapter 3** – Billy the Lizard

After watching the animals scurry off, and Cody hop along, Courtney set off once more. I no time, she saw a book lying down on the ground. She opened it out, and it turned into a pop-up book, with a plaque engraved on the front, saying "W. Rabbit. Dodo not allowed."

"How very curious indeed." She said as she opened the door. Inside his house was a bookshelf full of books, a table, and a desk with a small bottle with the words "Drink me!" put on the sides.

She understood she must be very careful with this bottle, so she removed the cork, and drank the whole bottle in almost one go.

Suddenly, she noticed that she was growing very quickly inside the Rabbit's house. Her foot stuck up the chimney, her elbow out the window, and her head stuck against the wall.

Meanwhile, outside, Billy was wearing a cheap, low-budget lizard costume, and was tending to the greenhouse. He accidently pulled out the rice, and nervously stuffed them back in the hole.

He was just in time to see Cody come through the garden to get his gloves and fan himself, when he noticed he couldn't get in. He called to the inside his house to hear a sharp cry as he banged open the door.

The bottle had now had its full effect. Courtney was cramped up inside the house from head to toe. She tried her best to bend her legs as one was up the chimney, and one was against the wall. Her butt tried to deal with the pain of sitting on all the furniture. Her head was against the wall of the house, one side of her face completely immobilized. She tried her best not to squeal again as she tried to move her aching breasts from in front of the door.

_How did I end up in this place?_ She thought as Cody was still trying to open the door. _All that stupid rabbit's fault. He's the reason I'm in this mess!_

Cody had now given up on opening the front door and went around to the back. Luckily, he didn't realise what Billy had done to his rice, but was more concerned over the giant tan elbow sticking out of the window.

"Good heavens! Bill, what has happened here?"

Billy got down to his knees and cried, "It was me! I put the- wait, is that an elbow?"

He got to his feet in a moment and joined Cody to opening the door. Unfortunately, Courtney's hip was blocking the door as well.

Cody had a sudden breakthrough. "Bill, we might be able to get through the chimney! Quick, now, get up there!"

"Wait a minute, sir." Billy said. "What kind of idiot would- oh, wait…"

And thus, Billy began climbing. Unfortunately, the titles were a bit loose, so Cody had fun dodging havoc from the ground. When he got to the chimney, he slid down, but soon went back up.

"Take THAT!"

Courtney's powerful kick sent Billy back up like a sky-rocket, plummeting down into the section of apple trees.

"Oh dear!" Cody shouted and ran to his friends (well, rather servant's) safety. "Are you alright, Bill?"

"Yesiree, if I had brain damage, I probably wouldn't feel a thing!"

Cody's face darkened. "Let's go teach the blasted monster a lesson or two!"

Suddenly, Courtney was attacked by a barrow full of pebbles. At first, she was struck with pain, but she soon realized that they were all turning into little cakes.

She managed to move her right arm to pick up one of the cakes. She noticed the words "Eat me!" were written on it in currants.

She ate the tiny cake in one bite, and started to shrink drastically. Her feet shrunk first, starting with the end and shortening. Her upper body and head soon shrunk as well, but she kept on shrinking.

"Oh dear. I never was as small as this. Never! Blasted rabbits."

Soon, she was small enough to fit under the door, where she entered grassland that looked like a jungle at her height.

Over in the horizon, she saw a large house that would take a lot of effort to get to. Suddenly, she saw a large mushroom near her.

She ran to the fungi, and, to her surprise, somebody was there to greet her.

"Who are you?"

Sorry again for not updating, procrastination is the devil, plus a really hard word to spell. I'll try to do these more frequently now. Adios!

**Next Up**: The Caterpillar's Bookah


	4. Chapter 4: 'Twas Brillig

**Disclaimer** – I don't own Total Drama or Alice in Wonderland in any way. If I did, then that would be AWESOME but I don't so nyah.

**Authors Note** – Yep, this is the part where I cross into the _Through the Looking Glass _series. The Jabberwock (yes, his name is Jabberwock. The poem is called Jabberwocky. Also, I hate the Tim Burton film.) is mentioned when Courtney goes through Tulgey Woods.

**Chapter 4** – Who Am I? WHO ARE YOU!

Courtney was basically trying to put the pieces together now. She followed a rabbit down a giant hole, which lead to an extraordinary world, and she met other creatures in her travels. But the creature standing in front of her was the worst yet.

"Who are you?" asked the Caterpillar, in such a lazy mood he hardly bothered to stir. Lackadaisical and lassiez faire was the little fella's attitude.

The Caterpillar was the largest insect she had ever laid eyes on (however, he was rather short for a caterpillar's height). He had dark, brown hair, an unforgiving frown, and was smoking an orange pipe. Each time he talked, a little puff of smoke came out of his mouth.

Noah turned towards Courtney angrily, and repeated himself. "Who are you?"

"Well, I hardly know the least, sir." Courtney explained. "You see, I've been so many-"

"I don't see." Noah cut her off as smoke shaped like the letter C drifted out of his mouth.

"Well, that's because I wasn't finished talking!" Courtney huffed angrily. "Please, do stop sucking that thing. It'll make you-"

"It's a Bookah." He cut her off once again. "Does no harm."

Courtney chose to get back to the conversation. "If you'd please, sir, I'm hopelessly lost. I don't remember things that I used to."

"And why is that?" he calmly asked.

"Well, I've changed my size so many times today." She explained. "It's all very confusing."

"It isn't!" He said.

"Well, maybe not for you, but you don't know what it's like. When you turn into a chrysalis – you will some day, you know, and then after that into a butterfly. Won't you feel a little queer?"

"Not a bit!" He huffed. Courtney was now very tired of getting small remarks.

"Recite."

"Excuse me?"

"RECITE!" He glared angrily at her.

Courtney cleared her throat, and began. "'Twas not the-"

"No, no! All wrong!" He shouted. "Nothing was right! Nothing at all!"

"Well, that's because you didn't let me finish!" she shouted, before stomping off.

When Noah realised where she was going, she shouted "Wait, dear girl! I have something very important to tell you!"

Courtney stopped in her tracks. "Well?" But by then, Noah had gone back to calmly smoking his 'bookah'.

"Keep your temper." He said quietly. Courtney had now had enough of it.

"Is that all?" she shouted.

"No. Exactically what is your problem?"

"It's exactic- excactic- it's exactly this! I've changed my size so many times, but I would like to be a little larger. Three inches is such a wretched height to be."

Noah then became furious. He turned dark red, and shouted. "I am exactically three inches high, and it's a very good height indeed!"

At this point, he smoked his pipe so furiously that a cloud of smoke appeared around him.

"But I'm not used to it!" she shouted. Courtney cleared the smoke around him, and was very startled to see that all that was left of him was his skin and his pipe.

She looked up and saw a giant butterfly gently gliding in the sky.

"By the way," the butterfly said. "The first side makes you larger, and the other side makes you shorter!"

"The sides of what?" Courtney asked.

"THE MUSHROOM OF COURSE!"

He fluttered away, and Courtney took a piece out of each side. Eating one, she saw she had grown even shorter, so she tried the other. She ate it, and grew large. Now she could see where she was.

Unfortunately, she didn't like the look of things. The forest was dark and gloomy. Trees surrounded everywhere. On the trees, signs were placed, reading "Beware of the Jabberwock!" In the distance, she could hear a pleasant song being sung.

'_Twas brillig, and the slithy toves,_

_Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;_

_All the mimsy, were the borogroves,_

_And the mome raths outgrabe._

She wanted to get out of this place quickly, so she made haste. She finally came upon the house that was much bigger than she imagined. She reached to knock on the door, when two footmen dressed in livery ran to the door.

Next chapter, we get to meet my favourite Disney character, the Cheshire Cat. Love that cat so much! Until next time, adios!

**Next Up**: More pepper! Achoo!


	5. Chapter 5: Everyone's Mad Here

**Disclaimer** – I don't own Total Drama or Alice in Wonderland in any way. If I did, then that would be AWESOME but I don't so nyah.

**Authors Note** – So in the last chapter, we visited the Caterpillar and in the next chapter, we visit the Mad Hatter. Visit either you like, they're both mad! *Grins*

**Chapter 5**– *Grins*

Harold and Duncan took no notice of Courtney before she knocked. Even then, they only turned slightly to the side. Strangely, a sudden musical tune came out of the house, sort of rocky, with people inside the house singing:

"More pepper! Achoo! More pepper! Achoo! More pepper! Achoo!"

The footmen began clapping to the rhythm, and soon, Harold, the Fish Footman, began singing:

"_I'm sorry, dear girl, but you'll never get in!_

_Standing aside will be thought as a sin!_

_We walk where she goes, we stand where she treads,_

_Moving will cost us in losing our heads!"_

Courtney was now starting to get the beat; she was almost swaying to the music (if you can sway to a rock song) and started singing:

"_But please, footmen, you see today,_

_I'm hopelessly lost and cannot find my way,_

_So please, stop that mindless snickering,_

_And do stop that wretched bickering!"_

"You said I could sing first!" Duncan, the Frog Footman, shouted.

"You hate singing!" Harold shouted back.

"Not to a rock song!"

Both of them threw their hats to the ground. "I HATE YOU!" they both shouted before stomping off. Courtney didn't bother to go after them, as she knew that they wouldn't let her in. Instead, she quietly went inside the house.

Eva, the cook in the corner, was shouting "More pepper!" and throwing plates and other kitchenware at the Duchess, Leshawna, who was nursing a baby that was in a sneezing fit. Tyler was in a poorly made cat costume, grinning at Courtney as soon as she came in.

"There's certainly too much pepper in that soup." Courtney told Leshawna. "Please will you tell me why your cat grins like that?"

"He's a Cheshire cat, and that's why." Leshawna told her.

"I don't know of cats that can grin." Courtney said.

"They can, and most of them do." Leshawna said. "You don't know much, and that's a fact!"

Suddenly, Eva was enraged with anger, and threw a plate that barely scarred the baby's nose.

"Oh do mind what your doing!" She told her.

"If everyone didn't mind what they were doing, the world would go around a great deal faster than it does!"

"Which would not be an advantage. You see, the Earth takes twenty-four hours to spin on it axis."

"Talking 'bout axes, chop off her head!"

Courtney looked slightly scared by this comment, but chose to not walk off. The baby had now fallen asleep, but Leshawna shook it, waking it up and it started crying again.

"Hush, hush, now. Do you want to hear you lullaby again? (The baby gave no response.)"

"_Speak roughly to the little boy,_

_And beat him when he sneezes;_

_He only does it to annoy,_

_Because he knows it teases!"_

"Waa! Waa! Waaa! Waa! Waa! Waaa!"

Leshawna started to shake the baby wildly as it cried. Eva started ballet dancing to the song. Even Tyler was bopping his head up and down.

"_He only does it to annoy,_

_Because he knows it teases!"_

"Here, you may nurse for a bit." Leshawna threw the baby at Courtney.

"Let's get you out here." Courtney whispered to the baby. "They're sure to kill you."

And thus, Courtney walked out of the Duchess' house. The baby in her arms started to grunt violently, and she saw that it had turned into a pig! It squirmed out of her hands, and trotted away behind a tree.

She tried to go after it, but was too big to fit under the tree roots. She bent down to get a closer look, and to admire the scenery. The same lovely song she heard in Tulgey Woods was still being sung:

'_Twas brillig, and the slithy toves,_

_Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;_

_All the mimsy, were the borogroves,_

_And the mome raths outgrabe._

"Lose something?" A voice called out to her. She looked up to see a lone grin sitting on the tree branch.

"Well, uh, no. I was- I was just wondering-"

"Oh, that's quite alright! We all wonder sometimes!" Two eyes then appeared above the grin, and it soon turned into the Cheshire Cat.

"Second chorus." Tyler said, and sung again. _"'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves! Did gyre and gimble in the wabe!"_

"Why you're that cat." Courtney smiled.

"Cheshire Cat." He corrected her, and started singing again. _"All the mimsy, were the borogroves…"_

He slowly started to vanish, which Courtney panicked on the spot. "Wait, please! Don't go!"

"Okay." He went back to his full body.

"Do you know which way I ought to go from here?" She asked.

"Well, that depends on where you want to get to!"

"Well, I don't much care where…"

"Then, it doesn't really matter, which way, you go…!"

He jumped off the branch and disappeared, though he still made footprints around Courtney as he sung more of his song, _"And the mome raths outgrabe!"_

He jumped back on to the branch. "Oh, by the way, if you'd really like to know, he went 'that way'."

"Who did?"

"The white rabbit."

"He did?"

"He did what?"

"Went that way!"

"Who did?"

"The white rabbit!"

"What rabbit?"

"But didn't you just say- Oh dear," She huffed.

"Can you stand on your head?" Tyler asked, literally standing on his head.

"What sort of people live around here?" She asked, trying to be nice.

"Well, there is the Mad Hatter, in 'that' direction." He pointed to the sign that said "Mad Hatter. Tea part today! (And the next…)"

"The _Mad_ Hatter? Oh no, I don't want to-"

"Or, there's the March Hare, over 'there'."

"Thank you. I shall visit him."

She started to walk, but Tyler called her. "Then again, he's mad too."

"But I don't want to go among mad people!" She insisted.

"Oh, you can't help that. Everyone's mad here, you and me both."

"How do you know that I'm mad?"

"Because everyone's mad here! I'm mad, because…" He tried to think of a reason. "Do you think a dog is mad?"

"Well, of course not."

"And a dog wags its tail when it's pleased, and growls when he's angry. I wag my tail when I'm angry, and growl when I'm pleased. Therefore, I'm mad."

"I'd hardly call it growling." Courtney told him.

"Call it what you like." He said, and vanished once more.

Courtney started to walk to the March Hare's house, but Tyler's floating head stopped her in her tracks.

"By-the-by, what became of the baby? I nearly forgot to ask."

Courtney felt quite uneased. "It, uh, turned into a pig."

"I thought it would!" He grinned (Wow, can't believe that was the first time I said that.) and slowly vanished again.

"Goodness. If the people are like that, I should try not to upset them."

Love. That. CAT!

**Next Up**: The Mad Tea Party


	6. Chapter 6: I Told You He's Mad

**Disclaimer** – I don't own Total Drama or Alice in Wonderland in any way. If I did, then that would be AWESOME but I don't so nyah.

**Authors Note** – Strangely, I find the March Hare funnier than the Mad Hatter. I don't know, I watched the Disney, Hallmark, and 1983 versions and the March Hare always seems funnier. Ah well, guess I must be mad!

**Chapter 6** – Mad As a Hatter

Courtney had not gone much further before she came in sight of the house of the March Hare. She thought it must be the right house because the chimneys were shaped like ears, and the roof was thatched with fur. There was a table set out beside the house where Geoff and Bridgette were having tea. Ezekiel was sitting between them, fast asleep.

Courtney approached the table, but Geoff and Bridgette both shouted, "No room! No room!"

Courtney saw that the three were only sitting on the edge of the giant table, and said, "There's plenty of room!"

"But it's very rude to sit down without being invited!" Bridgette told her.

"It's very, very rude indeed!" Geoff agreed.

"Very rude indeed." Ezekiel said, half asleep.

"Well, I guess I shouldn't have barged in, but the table was set out for a lot of people."

"Have some wine!" Bridgette insisted. Courtney accepted, but saw there was no wine in the mug.

"I don't see any wine." She said.

"There isn't any." Bridgette said back.

"Well it wasn't very civil of you to offer it."

"It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited!"

At this pointed, Courtney had no more to say.

"Why didn't you report this sooner, Hatter?" Bridgette asked him.

"I overslept!" He said. He then turned to Courtney. "And your hair wants cutting!"

They both laughed hysterically, while Courtney said, "You shouldn't make personal remarks, it's very rude."

Geoff's face dropped. "I didn't know that, personal remarks are rude? Hare, write that down."

"Waiter, waiter, there's a hair in my soup!" Bridgette said.

"Is it blonde? We're missing a waitress!" They both continued to laugh hysterically.

"You shouldn't waste your time telling stupid jokes." Courtney told them.

"You shouldn't talk about wasting time, girl! Have you ever met time?" Geoff asked.

"Met time?" She asked back. "I'm afraid I don't know what you mean."

"You mean you don't get what we mean?" Bridgette asked.

"Yes."

"Then you should say what you mean!"

"I do. At least I mean what I say. They're the same thing, you know."

"Not the same thing at all!" Geoff interrupted. "You might as well say "I see what I eat" is the same as "I eat what I see"!"

"You might as well say "I get what I like" is the same as "I like what I get"!" Bridgette added.

"You might as well say "I breathe when I sleep" is the same as "I sleep when I breathe"!" Ezekiel finally woke up again.

"It is the same thing with you!" Geoff told him, and asked Courtney, "What day of the month is it?"

"The fourth."

"Two days wrong!" He shouted, and then looked angrily at Bridgette. "I told you butter wouldn't suit the works!"

"It was the very best butter!" Bridgette told him.

"Yes, but some crumbs must have gotten in it as well!" Geoff added. "I told you not to put it in with the bread knife!"

Bridgette could say nothing more than repeat herself. "It was the best butter, you know!"

Geoff looked distraught and began to whimper. "Here, let me look at it." Bridgette said.

"I don't want to give it to you. But I will."

Bridgette dipped the watch in her tea cup, and banged it on the table. Geoff looked horrified.

"…It was the best butter."

"What a peculiar watch." She interrupted. "It tells you what day it is but not what o'clock it is."

"Does your watch tell you what year it is?" Geoff asked.

"Well, no, but that's because it stays the same year for so long."

"Well then, I rest my case."

"Where?" Bridgette asked.

"There!" He pointed to a case lying on the ground and laughed again.

Courtney noticed Ezekiel asleep and cooed. "Aw, Dormouse is asleep again."

"I'll soon fix that!" Geoff said and poured tea on his nose. Ezekiel woke up in an instant.

"Of course, of course!" He panicked. "That was just what I was going to remark myself! I'm… I'm sleeping… again…" He nodded of once more.

"So," Courtney said. "Could you tell me why it's always tea time here?"

"Well, it was back at the Queen's concert. I sung a song called 'Auntie's Wooden Leg'. Would you like to hear it?"

"Please." Courtney asked. Suddenly, everything that was on the table magically vanished, and Geoff jumped on to the table and began to sing.

"_Oh, Auntie's wooden leg!_

_Auntie's wooden leg!_

_Let's paint it red and call it Fred or Ted!_

_Auntie's wooden leg!_

_Auntie's wooden leg!_

_Everybody said it was well and truly dead!_

_Oh, Auntie's wooden leg!"_

"I say, I say, I say!" Bridgette said.

"How dare you interrupt my song with "I say, I say, I say"!"

"I say, I say, I say! It's not what you know, it's who you know!"

"I don't know either one of them!"

"_Auntie's wooden leeeeeeeeeeeeg!"_ He fell of the table, and fell for almost a minute, but was still heard singing, "Auntie's wooden leg! Auntie's wooden leg!"

"Enough of that!" Bridgette shouted. "Sing another!"

"Well, I do know 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Bat". Do you?"

"I've heard something like it." Courtney said.

"_Twinkle, twinkle, little bat,_

_How I wonder what you're at._

_Up above the world you fly,_

_Like a tea tray in the sky!"_

With that, Geoff started dancing. Bridgette began playing a giant teapot like an accordion. Ezekiel was stirring in his sleep, singing "Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle."

"_Twinkle, twinkle, little twinkle,_

_Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle,_

_Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle,_

_Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle…" _He went on like this for quite a while.

"So, I was only in the middle of my song when the Queen shouted, "He's murdering the time! Off with his head!"!"

"How dreadful," Courtney said.

"Now time does nothing we ask. He's froze time at six o'clock here now."

"So that's why it's always tea time here?"

"Tell us a story!"

Courtney was annoyed that he changed the conversation vey quickly, but went with it. "Maybe Dormouse has a story for us?"

Bridgette had to nudge Ezekiel to wake up. "Okay, okay. Once upon a time there were three little sisters who lived down a well."

"Why did they live down a well?" Courtney asked.

"Because they did. Now, the well was made out of treacle."

"Treacle?"

"Yes, treacle. They drew treacle, they made treacle, they even lived off treacle!"

"Wouldn't that make them very ill?"

"Yes, it did. The end." He then went back to sleep.

"Do you have a story?" Geoff asked.

"Well, yes. I could tell you how I came here. Now, I followed Cody…"

"Who's Cody?" Geoff asked. "I don't know him!"

"Well, fine. The white rabbit…"

"I don't know him either!"

"He led me to this hole, which I fell through, and ended up here and met mice, birds, caterpillars, and my friend, the Cheshire cat!"

"Cat?" Ezekiel suddenly woke up. "Cat? CAT!"

He then ran all over the table, screaming. Geoff and Bridgette tried desperately to catch him. When they did so, they both glared angrily at Courtney.

"Those are the things that upset me!" Geoff huffed.

"Well," Courtney sighed. "I didn't think-"

"Well, that's the problem!" Bridgette interrupted. "If you don't think, you shouldn't talk!"

"Maybe I didn't know that-"

"Here's an idea!" Bridgette interrupted again. "Let's change the subject!"

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" Geoff asked.

"Riddles?" Courtney asked, surprised. "Hmm. Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

"Why is a what?" Geoff asked and rose from his seat.

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" She repeated.

"She gone raven mad!" Bridgette screamed.

"It was your silly riddle, not mine!" Courtney shouted as she left the table.

"Stay back, writing-bonkers girl!" Geoff shouted.

"How about a nice cup of tea?" Bridgette asked timidly behind him.

"I'll never go there again!" Courtney said out loud. "It's the stupidest tea party I've ever been to in all my life!"

This must be my longest chapter so far, but there's more to come! Until next time, adios!

**Next Up**: OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!


	7. Chapter 7: Let the Reading Begin!

**Disclaimer** – I don't own Total Drama or Alice in Wonderland in any way. If I did, then that would be AWESOME but I don't so nyah.

**Authors Note** – The Queen's croquet match always reminded me of the world culture. The Queen of Hearts is the republicans, while everyone else represents South Korea. If you don't understand what I'm talking about, then OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!

**Chapter 7** – Royal Croquet

Courtney had walked far before she decided to take a break. She sat down near a giant tree, think about what had happened. Before she walked off, she saw Geoff, Bridgette and Ezekiel had seemed to not notice her going, and acted like nothing had happened. Before she got more into the subject, Tyler once again appeared on the branch of the tree, singing.

"'_Twas brillig, and the slithy toves,_

_Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;_

_All the mimsy, were the borogroves,_

_And the mome raths outgrabe!"_

"Oh, Cheshire puss, it's you!" Courtney was finally glad to see someone.

"Whom did you expect?" Tyler asked. "The White Rabbit, perchance?"

"Oh no. I really want to go home, but I can't find my way."

"That's because you have no way. All ways here, you see, are the Queen's ways!"

"But I haven't met any queen!" Courtney told him.

"You haven't?" He seemed quite surprised, and happy, at the same time. "You have-n't! Oh, she'll be mad about you. Simply mad! _And the mome raths outgrabe!_"

He slowly started to vanish, which, once again, Courtney panicked.

"No, wait! Please, Cheshire, where can I find this queen?"

"Well," he came back and almost danced on the spot. "Some go this way. Some go that way. But me, myself, personally, I take the shortcut."

He then pulled on one of the branches, and a door opened on the tree that lead to the beautiful garden Courtney saw back in the marble hallway. Finally, she was by the beds of bright flowers, and the cool fountains. The first thing she noticed were three cards, Katie, Sadie, and Beth, painting a white rose tree red.

"_Painting the roses red!_

_Painting the roses red!_

_If we don't you see, paint this tree._

_Then it's off with our heads!_

_Painting the roses red!_

_Painting the roses red!"_

"_If you'd let me ask, oh gardeners, why must you paint them red?" _Courtney chimed in.

"Why, the fact is, Miss." Katie explained. "We ought to put a red rose tree in here…"

"But we put a white one in by mistake!" Beth interrupted.

"So, you see," Sadie said. "We'll have to paint these roses red before the Queen comes!"

"The Queen! The Queen!" Beth shouted.

Suddenly, Justin arose from the hedges, playing a trumpet very off-key. Harold and Duncan were still bickering while pulling the King and Queen of Hearts, Alejandro and Heather. After a long, terribly bad trumpet blast, Justin made it even worse buy singing.

"_Make way, here comes the Royal Procession!_

_They make their entrance two by two!_

_They'll all be out to make an impression!_

_Be careful what you say and do!"_

After another long trumpet blast, Justin announced. "Make way for the King and Queen of Hearts!"

Heather made her way from the scene, and asked the cards "Who is this?"

"I'm Courtney, so pleased your majesty." Courtney explained.

"And who are these?" She asked the gardeners, who immediately started bowing down to the ground.

"Turn them over!" They nervously turn over, still lying on the ground.

"Get up!" The stand, and bow again. "What have you been doing?"

"Well," Katie nervously said. "We, um, _accidentally_ put a white rose tree here instead off a red rose tree, you see."

"I do see. OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!"

The three gardeners were taken away by the executioners, when a familiar white rabbit came from behind the bushes.

"_I'm late! I'm late!_

_If I can't keep this crucial date, there'll be no let off!_

_What am I to do, I'm going out of my mind!_

_I'm late!"_

Cody panted, and blasted his trumpet extremely loud. After trying to look as casual as possible, he made his way over to Courtney.

"It's a very fine day." He tried to make small talk.

"Very. Where's the Duchess?"

"Hush, hush!" He whispered, and moved in closer. "She's under the sentence of execution!"

"How come?"

"She boxed the Queen's ears!" Courtney began to laugh. "Oh, do hush. You see, the Queen was getting ready, and the Duchess said…"

Heather pushed past Cody, and asked Courtney "Do you play croquet?"

"Yes." She answered.

"THEN LET THE GAMES BEGIN!"

Justin brought a flamingo for Heather and Courtney, and two balls that seemed normal, before they were picked up and the hedgehogs rolled themselves out of the comfy position.

One hedgehog was placed in front of Heather, where she picked up her flamingo and hit it. Of course, she missed terribly, but Alejandro pushed the hedgehog forward, sending it sprawling across the course. The hedgehog made sure to go through all the fences, and Heather won. Everyone clapped in fear of losing their heads. Courtney realised there was no point in arguing, so she herself clapped too.

Heather went to pick up her ball/hedgehog, when a purple, striped tail appeared on her back. It soon turned into, once again, the Cheshire Cat.

"I say, how are you getting on?" Tyler asked.

"Not at all!"

"Beg pardon?" He raised his ear up.

"I said, not at ALL!"

"Who are you talking to?" Heather turned around. Tyler turned into his face, and floated beside her.

"The cat, your majesty!"

"Cat?" Heather turned to look at Tyler, but he had already appeared above her, grinning at Courtney.

"Where?"

"There!"

She turned to look at him again, but he had disappeared. She huffed, and turned around, and Tyler appeared again above a hedge.

"And who is this?" Alejandro asked, making his way to Courtney.

"This is my…" She glared at Tyler. "'Good friend', the Cheshire Cat."

"We're BFFs!" Tyler teased.

"I don't like the look of it. It must be removed. Off with its head!"

"But King!" Justin interrupted. "How can we remove a head that has no body?"

"Hmm. I'll have to look into this! Stay right there, cat!"

"I'll be here all day!" Tyler grinned as the two walked away. "Have you visited the Mock Turtle yet?"

"No." She said. "I'm not even sure what a mock turtle is!"

"It's the thing mock turtle soup is made from. Just go…"

"This way, that way, that way, this way, this way, that way! Understand?"

"Not really."

"Just follow my paw!" His head disappeared, but his body did not. He pointed to a large path of fountains. She overhead Heather shouting "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!" rolled her eyes, and went forth.

Off with your mouse! I really like the chapter coming up, more so that it is probably the most underappreciated. For example, I've only watched two Alice in Wonderland films that have the Mock Turtle in. Ah well, until next time, adios!

**Next Up**: _"Will you walk a little faster…"_


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